Soooo Slack!!!

Can you belive that I have been to Perth at the beginning of march and then have been married on April 18th, went to Port Douglas for my honeymoon and yet NONE of it is posted here! SOOOO Sorry!!!!!!

Ok so I made my goal to be a 70's bride on my scales prior to the wedding... YAY for me, mind you Im pretty sure they were up over the 80 mark on the actull day. But the weigh in day told me the 79.9 was there, so I took it!

The wedding... OMG - can you ask for a better day. Every feeling that I had been feeling before hand just vanished as like they were never even there. The day was perfect. I stood there and looked at Ray out in the sun that day and it was like no one else was even there. All I remember thinking is that I hope he thought I looked okay. Nice. Beautiful. Im sure he would have as I felt it. I was crying up in the room, down the isle and just standing there looking at him. He looked so handsome in his suit - and the fact that he had his glasses on when I got there just took my heart away. He knows I like him in them, they make him even more handsome than he already is. That man stole my heart 7 years ago before we even met face to face, yet I'm not sure that I even knew that until before that day. I was saying my vows, got to needing to say Rays name and couldnt. I just had to look away and Robyn touched my arm. I breathed in, shut my eyes and thought about it all - just for a split second. Then i said the words - " I do take you, Raymond John Payne to be my lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward." I mean those words like I never thought I would mean them.

Our closest friends and family were there - no more than 35 people in total; 40 including entertainment. The bonus was Courtney Murphy though. His voice rang though my heart and made it sing! He has the voice of a male angel and made the day that little bit more special. Without Courtney, it would have been special,; but he made it more special for us.

Our honeymoon was in Port Douglas. It was the best weather - the most beautiful place. Cape Tribulatin was also just lovely. We went hot air ballooning - you know, 12 mths ago I would never had done it. I would have felt that I would be too heavy and made the balloon crash! Quad biking hurt my ego. I hated it. I made them take me back half way throught the ride, felt scared and totally uncontrolled. So that is one thing that I can say I tried but hated. 4 Mile beach was so wide! There was not a rock or a shell on the sand. The sand was white and hard. Its not like you walk on beaches and your feet sink into the sand unless you are walking down near the water - but it ws like that they whole width of the beach. It felt like concrete. Will go back -

So that week was the most stressful one - every single emotion came and reared its very very ugly head. But after it was all gone and the party finished on the day - that week was one of the best of my life. Everyone had a great time, it was relaxed and everything that we planned it to be. For once - something went to plan!!!

Cheerleading!

Miss 9 had her first cheerleading performance last night at the Cowboys V Tigers match. Unfortunelty they cows lost, but the girls did a great job! They were in all time and Charlotte looked like she had heaps of fun! The performed to 'move your feet'... Cant wait until the next one!! Mind you it, was in front of 20,588 fans!!!

Making March Matter!

I have a stalker on the boards that has asked me to update my blog... lol - how nice to think that someone reads the dribble that I write on a regular basis!

I am catching the 1030 flight this morning out to Perth for AbFab. Am planning on having a great time and forgetting about life for a while. I also am hoping to get some new found motivation from some fellow WWers on exercise and foods to get rid of this last 5 kilo that I would love to lost prior to my 'thinking about it' stage. I mean thinking about it as in, so I want to stop here or do I want to keep going. I will most likely keep going. I was looking at it the other day, and there is still just too much fat hanging around to stop at 78 kilo. Maybe 75? Maybe 69 after all, depends on how it all sits and how I am feeling as I am going! Who knows, I will hopefully when I get there.

This month is MAKING MARCH MATTER, to be honest, I have been doing okay with it. I am not earning my treats like I should be, so I really must start and kick my butt into gear with that. I have been good though, I purchased chocolates for the kids lunch boxes on Sunday and they are still there! I have been able to stop at one for the last two nights (they are the bite size ones), so that in itself is a change for me - so I guess in a way I am MMM!!!

I am getting into the spirit of helping running the MMM thread too, I find myself getting very wise in the world o weight loss! Pity I cant turn in and run with it in my own life! But as I said, I'm not stressing over this thing! I will stand on the scales in 2 weeks when I return to meetings, with hopefully a loss. I am hoping we do lots of walking - or I will be hitting that gym or getting out into the fresh air and walking myself! I WILL eat sensibly and not drink too much as they are just empty calories and right now, with this wedding 6 weeks out and no weight gain to be had then I shall watch that too.

I didn't post when I was in a real low spot. I should have and then maybe the two weeks of WL hell wouldn't have been so bad! I was stressing when the scales were playing up on me something chronic! Down 1.7 one week, then back up the whole 1.7 the next! It was like, WTF! To gain that I would have had to have been sooooo naughty and sat on my big fat arse for a week and not moved a muscle! So there must have been something in my diet that didn't agree with me, so back to normal foods for me. Cutting down on my portions, upping my water and trying to follow core 110%. I will do this more so on my return from Perth. But whilst in Perth, I will be coring it as much as I can to be able to keep control of all I am putting into my body.

OK, will post with pics on my return!

Pondering and cold feet..

It does make you think and ponder about your own life and trials and how you handle them. Some people handle them better than others - I am on the 'not so good' side. I have been overweight since I can remember. There was patches in my life where I was 'thin' and I belived life to be good. But in all honesty, I was young and having a good time but was not healthy at all. Hense, once I started to eat better and stopped the all night - all week party routine, the natural weight came back on. PND has been a struggle for me for the past 9 years; still is - every now and then it flares its little head, but I choose to call it PMT!! But in my heart, I know that it is more than that.

Right now I have a delima - my wedding is in 8 weeks. I have the most coldest feet. My first marriage was built on 'doing the right thing', it ended badly and was really tough. Since the birth of my 2nd child, life has been tough. I always said I would nver re-marry; that then turnd to 'never re-marry whilst fat'..always some excuse. Now 31 kilo lighter, there are no excuses left! I am 8 weeks away from a day in which I am looking forward to but at the same time dreading with all my heart. This is it - cant leave now; cant run away anymore. I did not start this journey to lose weight to get married, to be honest it was the last thing on my mind. Now it is ALL that is on my mind! So therefor my last week has been complete tormoil; I have gained 900g in 10 days, eaten everything - cried a river, yelled my voice box dry - you name it, Ive done it. What thoughts and fears will reaching goal bring me???

But, you are right - I am the ONLY one who can make choices for MY actions! Therefor, when I woke up this morning my choice was to eat better this week, stop the sugar and start and be kind to me.

Saturday...

Weight is up, ttom..yay!! Have you noticed how when you are in the food court at a shopping centre that you look at what other people are eating and then notice the weight they are and then think to yourself - "THATS WHY!!!!" I laugh inside everytime I do that as that used to be us. We used to eat the crap they serve there - and not even second guess it. I hate to admit it, but since losing the weight I have become more judgemental of people - the way they dress, the way the look etc. I know that I am far from perfect; but the reality is I am near on 32 kilo lighter than I was this time last year. I am more confident within myself, happier and even feel like I look good. I still look in the mirror and find bits that I know I am not happy with - but thats life and unfortunetly we cannot change everything can we! We may be super women, but not to that extent!!!

It was funny (had to be there moment), ray got home thurs, I had been to gym so had my new pants on...slightly tight. I faced my back to him and stuck my bum out and said "do you like my butt?" He turned around, looked at me and went "OMG! WHERE DID IT GO?!! honey, youve done it, you have J-Lo's butt!" talk about a good bloke!!!

Big Buzz..

I thought it was about time that I added some new photos. Its amazing how you can change in 10k...lol The skirt I am wearing - I call it my 10K old, not 6 mths old! My face is thinner, i have lost my butt! My god! Who ever thought that I would lose my butt!!! You cant really see it, but the sleaves on my shirt are lose. What will I look like at 75 kilo?

I thought I would do something that I mentioned to do on the boards. I dragged out my old 'fat' skirt and put my 9.5 year old daughter in it with me! As you can see, the stiching on the side seams is coming apart from sitting down with too much flab seaping out! Its amazing what doing something like this can do for your self esteem. We as people, lose sight at times what we are doing or even if we are changing as we dont see it - even when we are looking in the mirror every day. So gone on - drag out a piece of old fat clothes and put it on! Put someone in it if you have someone around!!! Give yourself a buzz!!!

catch up

I really need to get posting more. It is just too long between visits and I feel my blog is as lonely as I am at times. About 2 weeks ago I hit my 30 kilo lost point. It felt great, but at the same time - totaly surreal. I dont remember any more what it was like to weigh 115 kilo!! I am now staring down the barrel at my goal weight - which for me, is only about 8 kilo away! But how do I know tht is where I want to stop? Why not try to get to 69? What a number really! 69.. woohooo. I look at my face in the mirror, the same person is starting back at me in so many ways. I still flounder and dont have the 'will' power that I should! I know that no one is perfect, but at times I seriously feel as though i am just a big hipocruite. This weight should come of my more than it does - but at the same time, you kow what?! I DONT want to follow the plan 100%. I want to be able to have my treats. I want to be able to do things that dont restrict my life - life cheap pizza on a tuesday night. If this is going to be for the rest of my life, then THIS is how I will be able to stay at goal. That is my firm belief!!

Enough negitivity!!! I JOGGED 10mins today! Felt great! Raylene - my sister, is starting the C25K today, so I also jogged with her for her last 4 reps of 60/90's. She said she felt good afterwards. I belive since she has started running, the weight she gained will just fall off her now. Best thing that she can do.

Kids went back to school this week - Miss 5 had her first day on Tuesday at big kids school. She looked so cute in her uniform! Its nice to have them both at the same place for drop offs and pick ups - makes my life easier. They both seem to like their teachers at this stage which is good. We are covering miss 9's books this weekend...yay how fun!!

Wedding plans are coming along nicely - if you want to disregard all the stress it is causing me! All the clothing is settled, now just cake, flowers and gfts - oh plus the dj to be done!

Promise to get a pic up within the next week or so, will have to wait until Ray is home to take it!!