Oh to be able to say that and be talking about my age and not my weight loss.. 20.2 gone! Forever! I mean it this time, no going back, I hate looking the way I did and thinking that I looked okay - but in reality didn't! I hated sitting on the couch and having my legs spreading so much that they don't fit in a outdoor chair! I can do that now... sit in an outdoor chair and have room! I don't get up and have the marks of the chair digging in to my legs! Oh it feels soooo good! Still along way to go, about 20 something more, but the next thing for me is 15k with WW..
This month, was a good month. I changed to core and have not had a gain all month! Yes, I many have only had a .1 loss last week, but that was coming off a 1.7 and a .8 - cant expect big numbers all the time. And lets face it, .5 is a healthy amount to lose. So I'm happy with that.
I eat different, I work out different - I push myself to work harder. I never used to, I was to lazy to do anything for myself and then wonder why I was fat!? How do we get in our heads that we are not? I must admit, I did not own a mirror that was full length in my house. I soo want to now! I want to go out and party hard like when I was 20! Okay. I was most likely another 10 kilo lighter, but still - I used to dance all night and not get exhausted!
I'm happy! Can you tell! I cant wait to tell everyone that I finally have hit the 20 mark! Its been so long coming... I did it - that's 20 less that I have to lose! Bring it on!
the old and the new...
the old and the new...
Miss 8's creative streak..
The reason behind "Raykel"
Wednesday 27 June 2007
Saturday 23 June 2007
brrr..
Its another cold miserable day in sunny Nth Qld... This week we had our lowest ever daytime temp - 13.4.. brrr, froze me tits off! A least the rain is good, cleaning everything and making it all green again.
Ray is still home, he has an interview with Orica the week school goes back. He would like to get that job, as it will let him "blow shit up".. Men and their weird ideas of fun! Hes been pretty good with the food side of things, and that reminds me I should really do some cooking for the week or I will blow out!
Mum ended up in hospital this week, kidney stones. She was only in for the morning, but it was a big drama as she never told anyone. Dad rang me from Mackay in a panic wanting to know what was going on! I didnt even know! Everything turned out fine and she was home after lunch.
Emotional wise this week has been pretty blasay. Not much screaming, not much of anything really . Nice and quiet. I am getting used to Ray being home and wouldnt mind it staying like that... but I know it wont as he like being away and having two differnt lives Im sure.
Ray is still home, he has an interview with Orica the week school goes back. He would like to get that job, as it will let him "blow shit up".. Men and their weird ideas of fun! Hes been pretty good with the food side of things, and that reminds me I should really do some cooking for the week or I will blow out!
Mum ended up in hospital this week, kidney stones. She was only in for the morning, but it was a big drama as she never told anyone. Dad rang me from Mackay in a panic wanting to know what was going on! I didnt even know! Everything turned out fine and she was home after lunch.
Emotional wise this week has been pretty blasay. Not much screaming, not much of anything really . Nice and quiet. I am getting used to Ray being home and wouldnt mind it staying like that... but I know it wont as he like being away and having two differnt lives Im sure.
Wednesday 20 June 2007
Hump day
Its hump day. A huge loss this week - .1 could have been worse, my sister was walking behind me as we walked into the weightwatchers room and picked it up as I walked through the doors.. :)
DH is still home, not sure when he is going back to work. He has put his paper work in for Lake Lindsay, I guess we are just waiting on a date. I like having him home - just he brings all the naughty foods into the house and I eat them! So, true to form, they here - I eat them, I have a bad loss or gain.. This week !! Told him NO MORE JUNK IN THE HOUSE!! Its my frankenstien foods... expecially chocolate... last nights effort - 4 squares of white followed by a whole flake bar. Real great Kel! Right before a WI too,, knew what I was doing - BUT just had to eat it! Felt shit afterwards too, but - lets do better this week.
My knee is still playing up, taking it easy and trying a few different things to see if I can push it without hurting myself.
Slighly annoyed; tried to get miss 8 - neally 9 - into see a child shrink.. like a matter of urgency as I am about to lose my mind.. July 26,, thats the first appointment I can get her into see someone. Obviuosly they didnt understand when I said that Olga wanted her in quickly to see someone. Here is a child that is so angry that he only voice level is SCREAMing at someone with complete annoyance in her voice. How can I help her? I dont have the skills to help myself at the best of time let alone a 9 year old that is desperate... The way our health system is with our kids is barbaric to say the least. Unless you are completly disabled then you dont count. You are not important enough to fix and you and your family is left to fight your way through the under knowlegle school system and health system. She is under the care of a specialist from Brisbane whom she sees every 6 months, how can that help and treat her?? All he wants is a speechy and medication - no other offer of help or ideas in how I can improve her life! Does he not understand that this here and now will effect the rest of her life? So for now I have to try and deal with the tears and screaming matches until she is able to see someone... on July 26th..
DH is still home, not sure when he is going back to work. He has put his paper work in for Lake Lindsay, I guess we are just waiting on a date. I like having him home - just he brings all the naughty foods into the house and I eat them! So, true to form, they here - I eat them, I have a bad loss or gain.. This week !! Told him NO MORE JUNK IN THE HOUSE!! Its my frankenstien foods... expecially chocolate... last nights effort - 4 squares of white followed by a whole flake bar. Real great Kel! Right before a WI too,, knew what I was doing - BUT just had to eat it! Felt shit afterwards too, but - lets do better this week.
My knee is still playing up, taking it easy and trying a few different things to see if I can push it without hurting myself.
Slighly annoyed; tried to get miss 8 - neally 9 - into see a child shrink.. like a matter of urgency as I am about to lose my mind.. July 26,, thats the first appointment I can get her into see someone. Obviuosly they didnt understand when I said that Olga wanted her in quickly to see someone. Here is a child that is so angry that he only voice level is SCREAMing at someone with complete annoyance in her voice. How can I help her? I dont have the skills to help myself at the best of time let alone a 9 year old that is desperate... The way our health system is with our kids is barbaric to say the least. Unless you are completly disabled then you dont count. You are not important enough to fix and you and your family is left to fight your way through the under knowlegle school system and health system. She is under the care of a specialist from Brisbane whom she sees every 6 months, how can that help and treat her?? All he wants is a speechy and medication - no other offer of help or ideas in how I can improve her life! Does he not understand that this here and now will effect the rest of her life? So for now I have to try and deal with the tears and screaming matches until she is able to see someone... on July 26th..
Wednesday 13 June 2007
Home Early..
What a suprise to be sitting watching the State of Origin with my mum... the dog (Dudley) runs to the door, not making a sound. The door makes a sound of something maybe climbing on it. Dudley then starts turning himself in circles. I thought the cat was at the door! By Dudley's body language he knows who ever is at the door. The next thing I know, a man in a orange and stripe shirt looking very tired walks in the door and around the corner to make an appearance in the lounge room.. Ray is home! He was not due home till tomorrow night... He has been made redunant from his mine site in Moura.
He was sopossed to be there a few more weeks (stints), have some time off then most likely start at Lake Lindsay which is about 280km closer to Townsville. When I asked him why he was home, his reply was "the boss argued with me to much so I picked him up and threw him through the window!" Gees, I just stared at him waiting for him to flinch on his story and start laughing. Anyone who knows Ray, knows that this is just not in his nature. He had a straight face the whole complete time... I just kept looking at him - asking him ; your joking??!! Then after around 5 mins, he smiled, sat down next to me and said, Nah been made reduntant. By this time next week about 100 blokes would have lost their jobs. The site is still going strong, its just that what they are doing is finished. They are just no longer required. SOOOO now, its back on the unemployment list.... Back to centrelink to start the fight about money!!
So, now I cant give up work. I was going to cut right back as it was just not worth the stressing and trying to deal with miss 8, work and the house. Least I have a job to go to so we can still survive a little.
Enough of that.. Dramas of everyday life that just happen unexpectedly! Weight in this morning. Loss of .8, taking my total to 19.6! Just .4 to go and then its the big 20!!! That like half way! Pleased with that, as its my 2nd week on core and I wasnt exactly very good. Like - pizza, cheese cake, choc coated bickies etc etc... I know, I know!!! Its my choice to put them in my mouth.. and I fully accept that! Dont think for a moment that if I eat like that then I will be sitting in a corner crying over a gain. I wont be! If I cause it by not eating right or not doing enough exercise then its totally my fault! However, the next day or the next meal I will be right back where I should be - knowing this is the only way to get where I WANT and NEED to be! Gymed today, did my fitness routine with the instructer - so I know what I should be doing. Bring it on and watch the shape now change.. LOL
GO THE MAROONS!! Boring game. No game 3 now, as Qld won 10-6. Still confused why Matty Bowen was not in the team... Best player in the league and he not there. Mind you, that is a good thing because then he is still nice and fit for the Cowboys in the coming games!
He was sopossed to be there a few more weeks (stints), have some time off then most likely start at Lake Lindsay which is about 280km closer to Townsville. When I asked him why he was home, his reply was "the boss argued with me to much so I picked him up and threw him through the window!" Gees, I just stared at him waiting for him to flinch on his story and start laughing. Anyone who knows Ray, knows that this is just not in his nature. He had a straight face the whole complete time... I just kept looking at him - asking him ; your joking??!! Then after around 5 mins, he smiled, sat down next to me and said, Nah been made reduntant. By this time next week about 100 blokes would have lost their jobs. The site is still going strong, its just that what they are doing is finished. They are just no longer required. SOOOO now, its back on the unemployment list.... Back to centrelink to start the fight about money!!
So, now I cant give up work. I was going to cut right back as it was just not worth the stressing and trying to deal with miss 8, work and the house. Least I have a job to go to so we can still survive a little.
Enough of that.. Dramas of everyday life that just happen unexpectedly! Weight in this morning. Loss of .8, taking my total to 19.6! Just .4 to go and then its the big 20!!! That like half way! Pleased with that, as its my 2nd week on core and I wasnt exactly very good. Like - pizza, cheese cake, choc coated bickies etc etc... I know, I know!!! Its my choice to put them in my mouth.. and I fully accept that! Dont think for a moment that if I eat like that then I will be sitting in a corner crying over a gain. I wont be! If I cause it by not eating right or not doing enough exercise then its totally my fault! However, the next day or the next meal I will be right back where I should be - knowing this is the only way to get where I WANT and NEED to be! Gymed today, did my fitness routine with the instructer - so I know what I should be doing. Bring it on and watch the shape now change.. LOL
GO THE MAROONS!! Boring game. No game 3 now, as Qld won 10-6. Still confused why Matty Bowen was not in the team... Best player in the league and he not there. Mind you, that is a good thing because then he is still nice and fit for the Cowboys in the coming games!
Monday 11 June 2007
Stood up..
I am sitting here waiting to talk to my DH. We had a "date" tonight on msn as he is away at work. 8.30 has been and gone. He must have gone to bed. I know that I shouldnt feel so awful towards him as he does do long days, but still, cant he find the time to stay up 15 mins and have a quick chat before going to bed? He works in a mine - he is away 10 days then home for 4. Right now to be honest, we arnt good either. Its tough and Im left wondering if I can see the end of the year like this or if its going to get better.
I went roller skating today, second time since the beginning of the year.. Was good, shoved miss 4 off to my mums and then myself and miss 8 went. It only took me 10-15 mins to get going and I didnt fall down once! So much better than last time! And the best thing, a whole 13 bonus points!!! My legs I tell you were thinking that they were weighlifting! Mind you, think about it - really! They are lifting about 5 kilo everytime you take your foot off the floor.. I rekon about 200 squats would be equilavant.
I have added a terrible photo. When my dig camera has new batteries, I shall take it off and put a better one. Must put that in my memory bank for tomorrow.. Otherwise it will be too late and I will have lost all this weight with no "ongoing" photos! I want to be able to look back at what I have achieved. This is proof that I can do it, I can do anything if I put my mind to it! I will not give up, not this time, I want the swimsuit in summer that I will be proud to wear at the beach with the kids. I want those nice flimsy summer dresses that fly all over when the wind blows! I want that sexy underware to make my husband squirm and I would love to feel good to be able to dance in the sexy manner I so like to. And I will, mark my words; I will!
Food wise is okay, I have one point left till wednesday - my fault. I ate pizza for dinner the other night and I just couldnt stop! It was so yummy and the air was so cold. Plus, the chocolate.... the naughties that I dont usually have (or so I tell myself) - really must stop lying to myself. Was at mums and dads last night for dinner, they had cheesecake from the cheesecake shop.. "One wont hurt" they said! It does when I dont have the points; but.. caved in and had some. Was nice, but really didnt need it. Ive never been good with peer pressure. I didnt do drugs, or drink - but I am one of these people who likes to please everyone. I like having friends and if that means at times that I do something that I dont normally do, then so be it! I will do it. Within reason. That has been my whole life. Afraid of being alone and having no one. Is this why I am still in the relationship that has not changed in 5 years and will most likely never?
I have booked an appointment with the gp, I need some assistance with keeping my head straight with DD miss 8. She is ADD and SID and at times I could just strangle her! So, off to get some tips and ideas.. Thats not till the 18th though. I am also thinking of giving a day of work up. This should help with the stress level, but at the same time I need to get motivated to actually get off my bum and do somthing around here! How can I get up DH for not wanting to do anything when hes on days off and yet Im here all the time and I dont want to do anything... Really! Who am I kidding?
God I feel as though i could dribble on and on tonight... Better not, thoughts just keep running through my head - one day they will dissapear and all make sense.
I went roller skating today, second time since the beginning of the year.. Was good, shoved miss 4 off to my mums and then myself and miss 8 went. It only took me 10-15 mins to get going and I didnt fall down once! So much better than last time! And the best thing, a whole 13 bonus points!!! My legs I tell you were thinking that they were weighlifting! Mind you, think about it - really! They are lifting about 5 kilo everytime you take your foot off the floor.. I rekon about 200 squats would be equilavant.
I have added a terrible photo. When my dig camera has new batteries, I shall take it off and put a better one. Must put that in my memory bank for tomorrow.. Otherwise it will be too late and I will have lost all this weight with no "ongoing" photos! I want to be able to look back at what I have achieved. This is proof that I can do it, I can do anything if I put my mind to it! I will not give up, not this time, I want the swimsuit in summer that I will be proud to wear at the beach with the kids. I want those nice flimsy summer dresses that fly all over when the wind blows! I want that sexy underware to make my husband squirm and I would love to feel good to be able to dance in the sexy manner I so like to. And I will, mark my words; I will!
Food wise is okay, I have one point left till wednesday - my fault. I ate pizza for dinner the other night and I just couldnt stop! It was so yummy and the air was so cold. Plus, the chocolate.... the naughties that I dont usually have (or so I tell myself) - really must stop lying to myself. Was at mums and dads last night for dinner, they had cheesecake from the cheesecake shop.. "One wont hurt" they said! It does when I dont have the points; but.. caved in and had some. Was nice, but really didnt need it. Ive never been good with peer pressure. I didnt do drugs, or drink - but I am one of these people who likes to please everyone. I like having friends and if that means at times that I do something that I dont normally do, then so be it! I will do it. Within reason. That has been my whole life. Afraid of being alone and having no one. Is this why I am still in the relationship that has not changed in 5 years and will most likely never?
I have booked an appointment with the gp, I need some assistance with keeping my head straight with DD miss 8. She is ADD and SID and at times I could just strangle her! So, off to get some tips and ideas.. Thats not till the 18th though. I am also thinking of giving a day of work up. This should help with the stress level, but at the same time I need to get motivated to actually get off my bum and do somthing around here! How can I get up DH for not wanting to do anything when hes on days off and yet Im here all the time and I dont want to do anything... Really! Who am I kidding?
God I feel as though i could dribble on and on tonight... Better not, thoughts just keep running through my head - one day they will dissapear and all make sense.
Saturday 9 June 2007
nothing about much
Winter is finally here, but for how long I just dont know. Winter up here is normally for about 2 weeks or so, mind you it does get awfully chilly during the night!
Trying to get moviated to go and clean up out side since the painters have finished. So much to do on my own though! Did a little bit, layed the new flooring out against the red feature wall to get an idea of what it will look like. Seems to be okay, but I think Ray might have a pink fit over the color of the wall! It looks okay, will be better once the flooring is done, pics on the wall, pots and plants finished and the outdoor setting brought in.
Been a busy week, just working and home. Went back to gym on Thursday - first time in years. Felt good and loved it! Forgot how much I enjoyed a aerobics class. Hopefully I can go do one on Sunday, but I will have to get mum to take the girls for an hour and a half.
Need to cook some yummy core meals, since it is weather for eating afterall! Made pumpkin and curry soup the other day, totaly delious!!!! Its so thick and creamy. I need to make yummy foods that i can eat alot of if I get peckish. Only have about 3 points left till Wednesday as we had pizza for dinner last night and I ate too much! Should've stopped, but it was sooo cold and so yummy! Need to go through my recipie books and work out what I can have and then go shopping. Somehow I dont think that I will be repeating my great loss of last week as I havent done much exercise either this week. Should get off my butt and go do some!! Should at least pull the mower out. Miss 8 wants to go roller skating, that would be a good way to earn some extra points and work my legs!
Playing family fued, not doing well - lost last two games. Would like to get my manshion soon.. need 600000 for that.
Trying to get moviated to go and clean up out side since the painters have finished. So much to do on my own though! Did a little bit, layed the new flooring out against the red feature wall to get an idea of what it will look like. Seems to be okay, but I think Ray might have a pink fit over the color of the wall! It looks okay, will be better once the flooring is done, pics on the wall, pots and plants finished and the outdoor setting brought in.
Been a busy week, just working and home. Went back to gym on Thursday - first time in years. Felt good and loved it! Forgot how much I enjoyed a aerobics class. Hopefully I can go do one on Sunday, but I will have to get mum to take the girls for an hour and a half.
Need to cook some yummy core meals, since it is weather for eating afterall! Made pumpkin and curry soup the other day, totaly delious!!!! Its so thick and creamy. I need to make yummy foods that i can eat alot of if I get peckish. Only have about 3 points left till Wednesday as we had pizza for dinner last night and I ate too much! Should've stopped, but it was sooo cold and so yummy! Need to go through my recipie books and work out what I can have and then go shopping. Somehow I dont think that I will be repeating my great loss of last week as I havent done much exercise either this week. Should get off my butt and go do some!! Should at least pull the mower out. Miss 8 wants to go roller skating, that would be a good way to earn some extra points and work my legs!
Playing family fued, not doing well - lost last two games. Would like to get my manshion soon.. need 600000 for that.
Wednesday 6 June 2007
Ist post!
This is my first post here. Not quite sure what to say. Good week, switched to core - seemed to work well! A loss of 1.7 which gave me 11kg and my 10% in one hit. So stoked about that though!
I think all the extra walking may have helped the situation as well. Went shopping with Raylene today and we have deceided to join a gym - starting tomorrow!!!
Its so nice being able to walk into a shop and try on a size 16 and have it fit! I cannot remember the last time I could actully do that. I am down to pre-2nd baby weight and that feels great!
Be patient and give me time on here to work out how all this works, I will try and inspire others who are reading this as they inspire me to make this work for the last and final time. I have suffered with my weight all my life.
As long as I remember I have been overweight, picked on and felt awful. I would like to delv into my sub-inners to find out why.. Maybe one day I will figure it out. For me now, everyday is a new day with new ideas and new struggles. I take one meal and a time but dont deny myself of any of the luxurys! i know that when I do binge, I feel guilty and angry with myself. Life is sopossed to be enjoyed, same with food. We are sopossed to like the way it feels in our mouths, the smells and the taste. Why make it a chore to eat or not to eat. I dont want to be like that, I want to learn to eat tasty low fat foods that make you feel good inside and out! Im on my way there. A total of 18.8 kilos down.... It may be slow, and I dont mind to much as long as I can find the right way to make it steady. Least then I know that it might stay off a bit longer.
I think all the extra walking may have helped the situation as well. Went shopping with Raylene today and we have deceided to join a gym - starting tomorrow!!!
Its so nice being able to walk into a shop and try on a size 16 and have it fit! I cannot remember the last time I could actully do that. I am down to pre-2nd baby weight and that feels great!
Be patient and give me time on here to work out how all this works, I will try and inspire others who are reading this as they inspire me to make this work for the last and final time. I have suffered with my weight all my life.
As long as I remember I have been overweight, picked on and felt awful. I would like to delv into my sub-inners to find out why.. Maybe one day I will figure it out. For me now, everyday is a new day with new ideas and new struggles. I take one meal and a time but dont deny myself of any of the luxurys! i know that when I do binge, I feel guilty and angry with myself. Life is sopossed to be enjoyed, same with food. We are sopossed to like the way it feels in our mouths, the smells and the taste. Why make it a chore to eat or not to eat. I dont want to be like that, I want to learn to eat tasty low fat foods that make you feel good inside and out! Im on my way there. A total of 18.8 kilos down.... It may be slow, and I dont mind to much as long as I can find the right way to make it steady. Least then I know that it might stay off a bit longer.
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