Making March Matter!

I have a stalker on the boards that has asked me to update my blog... lol - how nice to think that someone reads the dribble that I write on a regular basis!

I am catching the 1030 flight this morning out to Perth for AbFab. Am planning on having a great time and forgetting about life for a while. I also am hoping to get some new found motivation from some fellow WWers on exercise and foods to get rid of this last 5 kilo that I would love to lost prior to my 'thinking about it' stage. I mean thinking about it as in, so I want to stop here or do I want to keep going. I will most likely keep going. I was looking at it the other day, and there is still just too much fat hanging around to stop at 78 kilo. Maybe 75? Maybe 69 after all, depends on how it all sits and how I am feeling as I am going! Who knows, I will hopefully when I get there.

This month is MAKING MARCH MATTER, to be honest, I have been doing okay with it. I am not earning my treats like I should be, so I really must start and kick my butt into gear with that. I have been good though, I purchased chocolates for the kids lunch boxes on Sunday and they are still there! I have been able to stop at one for the last two nights (they are the bite size ones), so that in itself is a change for me - so I guess in a way I am MMM!!!

I am getting into the spirit of helping running the MMM thread too, I find myself getting very wise in the world o weight loss! Pity I cant turn in and run with it in my own life! But as I said, I'm not stressing over this thing! I will stand on the scales in 2 weeks when I return to meetings, with hopefully a loss. I am hoping we do lots of walking - or I will be hitting that gym or getting out into the fresh air and walking myself! I WILL eat sensibly and not drink too much as they are just empty calories and right now, with this wedding 6 weeks out and no weight gain to be had then I shall watch that too.

I didn't post when I was in a real low spot. I should have and then maybe the two weeks of WL hell wouldn't have been so bad! I was stressing when the scales were playing up on me something chronic! Down 1.7 one week, then back up the whole 1.7 the next! It was like, WTF! To gain that I would have had to have been sooooo naughty and sat on my big fat arse for a week and not moved a muscle! So there must have been something in my diet that didn't agree with me, so back to normal foods for me. Cutting down on my portions, upping my water and trying to follow core 110%. I will do this more so on my return from Perth. But whilst in Perth, I will be coring it as much as I can to be able to keep control of all I am putting into my body.

OK, will post with pics on my return!

Pondering and cold feet..

It does make you think and ponder about your own life and trials and how you handle them. Some people handle them better than others - I am on the 'not so good' side. I have been overweight since I can remember. There was patches in my life where I was 'thin' and I belived life to be good. But in all honesty, I was young and having a good time but was not healthy at all. Hense, once I started to eat better and stopped the all night - all week party routine, the natural weight came back on. PND has been a struggle for me for the past 9 years; still is - every now and then it flares its little head, but I choose to call it PMT!! But in my heart, I know that it is more than that.

Right now I have a delima - my wedding is in 8 weeks. I have the most coldest feet. My first marriage was built on 'doing the right thing', it ended badly and was really tough. Since the birth of my 2nd child, life has been tough. I always said I would nver re-marry; that then turnd to 'never re-marry whilst fat'..always some excuse. Now 31 kilo lighter, there are no excuses left! I am 8 weeks away from a day in which I am looking forward to but at the same time dreading with all my heart. This is it - cant leave now; cant run away anymore. I did not start this journey to lose weight to get married, to be honest it was the last thing on my mind. Now it is ALL that is on my mind! So therefor my last week has been complete tormoil; I have gained 900g in 10 days, eaten everything - cried a river, yelled my voice box dry - you name it, Ive done it. What thoughts and fears will reaching goal bring me???

But, you are right - I am the ONLY one who can make choices for MY actions! Therefor, when I woke up this morning my choice was to eat better this week, stop the sugar and start and be kind to me.

Saturday...

Weight is up, ttom..yay!! Have you noticed how when you are in the food court at a shopping centre that you look at what other people are eating and then notice the weight they are and then think to yourself - "THATS WHY!!!!" I laugh inside everytime I do that as that used to be us. We used to eat the crap they serve there - and not even second guess it. I hate to admit it, but since losing the weight I have become more judgemental of people - the way they dress, the way the look etc. I know that I am far from perfect; but the reality is I am near on 32 kilo lighter than I was this time last year. I am more confident within myself, happier and even feel like I look good. I still look in the mirror and find bits that I know I am not happy with - but thats life and unfortunetly we cannot change everything can we! We may be super women, but not to that extent!!!

It was funny (had to be there moment), ray got home thurs, I had been to gym so had my new pants on...slightly tight. I faced my back to him and stuck my bum out and said "do you like my butt?" He turned around, looked at me and went "OMG! WHERE DID IT GO?!! honey, youve done it, you have J-Lo's butt!" talk about a good bloke!!!

Big Buzz..

I thought it was about time that I added some new photos. Its amazing how you can change in 10k...lol The skirt I am wearing - I call it my 10K old, not 6 mths old! My face is thinner, i have lost my butt! My god! Who ever thought that I would lose my butt!!! You cant really see it, but the sleaves on my shirt are lose. What will I look like at 75 kilo?

I thought I would do something that I mentioned to do on the boards. I dragged out my old 'fat' skirt and put my 9.5 year old daughter in it with me! As you can see, the stiching on the side seams is coming apart from sitting down with too much flab seaping out! Its amazing what doing something like this can do for your self esteem. We as people, lose sight at times what we are doing or even if we are changing as we dont see it - even when we are looking in the mirror every day. So gone on - drag out a piece of old fat clothes and put it on! Put someone in it if you have someone around!!! Give yourself a buzz!!!

catch up

I really need to get posting more. It is just too long between visits and I feel my blog is as lonely as I am at times. About 2 weeks ago I hit my 30 kilo lost point. It felt great, but at the same time - totaly surreal. I dont remember any more what it was like to weigh 115 kilo!! I am now staring down the barrel at my goal weight - which for me, is only about 8 kilo away! But how do I know tht is where I want to stop? Why not try to get to 69? What a number really! 69.. woohooo. I look at my face in the mirror, the same person is starting back at me in so many ways. I still flounder and dont have the 'will' power that I should! I know that no one is perfect, but at times I seriously feel as though i am just a big hipocruite. This weight should come of my more than it does - but at the same time, you kow what?! I DONT want to follow the plan 100%. I want to be able to have my treats. I want to be able to do things that dont restrict my life - life cheap pizza on a tuesday night. If this is going to be for the rest of my life, then THIS is how I will be able to stay at goal. That is my firm belief!!

Enough negitivity!!! I JOGGED 10mins today! Felt great! Raylene - my sister, is starting the C25K today, so I also jogged with her for her last 4 reps of 60/90's. She said she felt good afterwards. I belive since she has started running, the weight she gained will just fall off her now. Best thing that she can do.

Kids went back to school this week - Miss 5 had her first day on Tuesday at big kids school. She looked so cute in her uniform! Its nice to have them both at the same place for drop offs and pick ups - makes my life easier. They both seem to like their teachers at this stage which is good. We are covering miss 9's books this weekend...yay how fun!!

Wedding plans are coming along nicely - if you want to disregard all the stress it is causing me! All the clothing is settled, now just cake, flowers and gfts - oh plus the dj to be done!

Promise to get a pic up within the next week or so, will have to wait until Ray is home to take it!!

holiday pics!

Some reason my slide show didnt work, so here is the link for our holiday snaps!!!


http://secure.smilebox.com/ecom/openTheBox?sendevent=4d6a45784e7a417a4e513d3d0d0a&campaign=blog_instructions_directurl_makeyourown

Christmas 2007

Gees, how slack am I - Oct 07 was the last time I posted. Just looking back at my old pics on my blog after seeing the latest ones taken over the past week - I shall pat myself on the back!! I'm lookin good If I can say so my self..

Christmas was nice. Only had mum and dad over for a BBQ lunch, the kids spent most of the time in the pool whilst the adults played around with building the Thomas Train Set. Santa wasnt too bad for me since we dont do the 'adult gift' thing.

Miss JudyDun and her miss 10 arrived on boxing day. We spent that afternoon just chilling with a coldie. The Thursday since us at the Strand - praying the rain was to hold out. It NEVER rains at chirstmas in Tville! So it was like WTF!! Cooled it down though, not the best swimming weather, but at least we all were not sitting in a pool of sweat from the high humidity normally experienced this time of year.

Friday we set sail for the drive up to Cairns. It was a nice drive. Mind you, we checked the weather and road conditions before we left just incase. It seemed the further north we went, the rain seemed to dissapear and the heat seemed to set in. Sugarworld was great fun. There were 4 water slides and even miss 4 ventured into them. Luckly they were all walking up hills and not stairs to get to the top!! Somehow it was here that I think I hurt my right foot. Not sure what I did to it, but it did limit the amount of walking I was doing over the next few days. Miss J sat on the sidelines watching us silly people walking up and down the hills just for a minutes thrill on the way down! I tell you, I think she has the brains!!

Saturday night was brilliant! We went to the Cairns Safari and had a night time venture. They supplied meals and drinkies whilst leading us by torch light around the park. We seen a pride of 16 lions right in front of us eating their dinner. The monkeys were stretching, and the Rhino was very shy and timid. Bongo drums were beating away all evening and you could even hear the lions roar as we trecked up and down the hills of the park. Dinner was so yummy!! We ate a varity of African and normal meals and my lovely clan had boring old nuggets and chips! Talk about missing out on an experience!! Anyone heading to Cairns, the safari is on the must do of things to do!! Again the rain just held out till after we got back in the car for the hour drive back down the mountain to Cairns.

Miss J's birthday was spent in Karanda. We all pilled into a train that took about 90 odd minutes to climb the range. We went though 15 tunnels which were all hand dug!! The Barron Falls was a sight to see, even though it was only flowing to a trickle... and we thought we were seeing something amazing! The smell of a rainforest is something - so fresh and clean. Who would have thought there would be so many different colors in the forest - all shades of green! Definetly a sight to see. The weather again held out for us to be able to walk around the markets. Luckly it is also about 10 degrees cooler than on the coast! Miss J bought herself a nice dress and we had lunch at the Karanda Hotel Motel. Since it was Miss J's birthday, we celebrated with a lemon mirange pie - boy was it lemony!! Total devine with icecream and cream on the side. Should have got the whole pub to sing happy birthday to her! So I hope that it was a nice day for you Judy.

The treck home was a longer than expected one. We decided that we didnt need to see the coast road again, so trecked back up the mountain past Karanda and headed inland. The rolling hills of the Atherton Tablelands are perfect, again in many shades of green. We drove around the waterfall circuit which included Milla Milla falls, the water spash was rather cold and we had the two older girls begging for a swim!! Didnt happen.... The site of a military hospital for WW2 had been made a memorial park with many plaques erected. Very peaceful. The road from the tourist drive around Atherton was very windy and it even took us past a wind farm! Boy those things are huge!! Wouldnt like one to fall on me! We watched the vegetation change from rainforest to red dirt and normal bushland. The roads were also then shared with roadtrains carting from Ravenswood out near Charters Towers. We dont mess with them!!!

New years eve seen us stop in Greenvale - around 250kms still from Townsville. This was an unexpected stop, but you get that when you are sticky nosing at everything along the way!! We were directed to the "Greenvale country club...." - um, okay - tin shed maybe!! The golf club were celebrating in style with a spread of home cooked meals and a closest to the pin competetion. In which we all had a go and Miss Alex took the title for the kidlets! The toilets there made me giggle, again a tin shed but this time they have supplied you with a shower curtain for privacy!! We ended up gatecrashing for the whole New Years Eve and then camped the night. The last 250kms home was uneventful but tiring.

All in all a great week was had by all. The children behaved - even the big ones! Not too much drinking was done, the food was pretty okay - 1.6k gain for me.. So pleased with myself ! NOT. So another year has passed and 2008 has begun in style at Greenvale!!