GF weekend

Well it is that weekend again when all the televisions in Australia turn to the sports.. I swear its worse than Bathurst weekend! Least the coverage does not go all day. I feel a little bit sorry for the people who need to work this weekend and will not be able to watch their team fight it out for the trophies up for grabs. Unfortunately, the Cowboys did not make the GF this year, we were out done by Manly in a game in which there are many different opinions of which way it should have gone. Rumours are that the high end of the NRL didn't want a non-NSW team to play, it had to have at least one NSW team in the GF.. I don't know if i would believe that, otherwise the cows would not have played as bad as they did.

I have had all week off work with tonsillitis, first time in all my 31.5 years on this planet! God, it was painful... Luckily now, the pain has gone and I can return to a normal life.. if there is such a thing. What a way to finally get a week off work, and on school holidays too! You know, I remember if i was going to get sick, it always happened on school holidays when I was a kid too. Seems nothing changes. The girls have been pretty much locked up inside as I wasn't up for doing anything special - on Friday though, we managed to get to the movies and see Ratolouie. Was good - but hey, lets face it anything from Pixar will be a good viewing moment.

Food wise has been so so. I have shift en back to points to gain the thumbs up that i need. Hopefully it will give my body the shock it requires to start and lose some of those kilos that just seem to hang around. Mind you, it is not its own fault. Who can you blame when I don't weigh my meat, pasta or rice anymore. Lets face it, just like the take-a-shops, we tend to 'up size' our meals at home too. I haven't walked in a week, prior to that I was walking whilst Ray was home, but not before that. I haven't been to gym in like 6 weeks.. so long now I have lost count! I haven't lost the plot, just a little direction. Back on that big brown wagon and onwards and downwards!!

Fat Pics..

I have just added two new pics - the wedding one and a portrait of myself and DI. I have just scared myself to what I never want to look like again! Question of HOW and WHY pop into my head - how do we not know we are getting that size? Do we not have the respect not to get like that? How do our men not fall out of love with us? My god!

I am now 25k down, have been officially in the 80's for the last week and I really don't want to see the number 9 in front of my weight ever again. DI is so pleased with how I am looking - Heck, I'm pleased with how I'm looking! I will admit it! I looked like crap and now I'm lookin hot! LOL

But its not just the weight factor, its the movement of body factor and how much more confident I am. I feel better when talking to strangers - which I think will allow me to feel great going to AbFab in March. I am going to put those pics on my fridge as a reminder of where not to go..

Excuse them though, they are scanned so not of great quality and a little bit out of skew - but they are the only 'fat pics' I have!!

16 Aug 2007

Things are seeming to be back to normal, for now. One day at a time! Like with so many other things. The kids are on the mend after being sick for over 2 weeks. I think though, they may have loveling given me their germs. Dont you love the precious gems!!

Last week was a wonderful weighin - 1.6 lost. Brought me to 92. This week, different story though. Not eating well, too much food, not enough vegs, not enough exercise and the list goes on and on!! I was determined to get to my winter challenge goal of 90, but now that seems a little hard. By my scales, I have gained about half a kilo.. I always gain when Ray is home. Why is that? He is here to help me get to gym and eat well, yet I gain.. Please explain!!!

need to scream.......

I just want to run outside to some deserted park of a forest or something and scream. DI just rang to get his flight details to return this week. I shouldnt have asked what hes been doing - but I did. Hes been going to freinds house, his brothers house, working with his dad, building romote control cars, drinking and drinking and drinking. He had to think about asking me how I was doing. So I told him - Ive been cleaning "oh) ws the response. Ive been moving pavers - again "oh". Getting sick - "but why, its not cold over there".. So I told him to ring qantas and get the flight details himself - why should I?? Why should I STILL be doing things for him when he cant do anything for me?! He always leaves me to handle and fix everything - so, stuff him, he can find out everything he needs himself. Then he asked me if I was going to pick him up from the airport - "no, i'm working" was my response. He then said he will need keys - but he wont, as he doesnt live here anymore. I am just so angry that he always gets what he wants and I seem to always get left behind to fix it up.

So now I have just got myself all upset and want a hug. I dont want to ring my mum as I cant talk to her all the time and I dont want to bother my sister. I try to tell myself not to care - but hey, I do care! I care that I am here looking after our children and house and fixing the pig stye he left me to clean whilst he is relaxing and having fun with his friends!! You know, a friend of mine told me one day; I should say asked me (when I was in the middle of a very nasty violet b/u with my ex) - Are you in love with him, or the thought of him?" Maybe, its the same thing - maybe it has been for the past 6 years; we dont like to be alone, human nature. Last night I actully thought I missed him - neally told him but didnt. Glad I didnt.

I'm just lost. I cant describe it any other way. I'm empty and alone.

Ouchy..

Feeling a bit green today... For the last few days I have had the worst tooth ache! To be honest, it was worse than waiting for the appointment to get my wisdom teeth out, and they HAD to come out as they were all yucky.. Anyways, I was thinking, my top left hand side teeth were moving as the wisdom are now gone, the problem is my eye tooth was hitting my very front tooth and had no where to go!! So here I was popping every pain killer under the sun every 1 hour or so.. soo not good for the body and all, and nothing would stop the pain! Finally got into a dentist on Sat morning. And as I could have told him, there was no holes or anything up there to cause the pain.. so what was it? Where they moving with no where to go?? A couple of xrays later, bring on the needle! Was shaking and all. you have no idea how much I hate the dentist!! Anyways, turns out that I had the start of an ulcer or something UP in the root area of my eye tooth!!! He had to drill a massive hole, dig it out with the huge needle thing and boy did it smell!! It was all infected. Apparently it was caused through my tooth being hit by something or it moving too quickly. Never trust my dreams again - mind you, this time the one about all my front teeth falling out was right in both departments! Soo, I'm on pain meds, go back on Monday next week to get the gauze thingee taken out and the hole patched up and hopefully the dentist saved my tooth. He may have to take it out after all this - which is bad as it is a front one!

Food wise, as you can imagine - anything soft. From ice cream, to mashed up veggies; I'm eating slightly like a baby.. yummy.. Scales were nice last week - a loss of 400grams which brings me UNDER 95!!! I am 94.7 YAY!! Am happy about that one. Downward scales heading towards the 80's and I can see that lovely number in sight. Cant wait, have been focused enough to do extra cardio in the gym whilst on my weights days and plus am back walking with Raylene. I'm determined to hit my 90 mark come the end of winter, which is still realistic if not easy as we are about 5-6 weeks away..

Miss 8 will be Miss 9 next Friday. Nothing big planned, bbq maybe and that's also to welcome the new concrete under the new patio roof!Now just need to sought the gardens and nicky pots and we done.

July..

18 Days till my Miss 8 becomes Miss 9! Gees how time does fly! Not always when you are having fun as they say either. It has been a hard 12 plus months with her, but I do have days where I think we may be getting somewhere! So, have no idea what we will do, something small and for the family only I think. She doesnt really have any great friends here, so I'm not sure if she will want to do anything. PLus it all depends on if Ray is working as well. It will take us a little while to catch up after him having most likely a month off work!

Today is awful. Not the day, outside it is how it should be in June July here. Sunny and warm. Inside- cool and cold, needing a blanket. I have no energy. I havent done for a week or so, just ran dry. Is annoying as I needed to keep my numbers heading downwards as there is now only 2 months till the end of winter and I would love to be knocking doors on the 80's. TTOM doesnt help either though. All I want to do is sleep and eat. Went outside, cut a few dead roses off, took clothes off the line, watered some plants and that was it. Enough. Started well with the eating - scrambled eggs with mushroom, onion and ham on wholegrain toast - followed by Rays pancakes and little cakes! ARG!! Hate it when I do that! Havent got to the gym for 3 days or even a walk, so even the exercise is lacking! So with the excess fluid and no gym work, I am not expecting a nice number this week. To be honest, I'd be happy to stay the same!

Went to the Townsville show. Was good, the girls liked it. We took them on as many rides and games as we could. These things are just so expensive! They seems to enjoy the showbags they got and the prizes they won. We were there for around 5 hours and poor Miss 4 couldnt keep her little eyes open by the end, she fell asleep on the walk back to the car. Made sure we had lunch before we left so we didnt have to spend money on food.. As you can see by the balloons, we ended up with 10! I just kept telling Miss 8 to keep getting them; they were free!!! So the boot was full and the girls thought it was great! I missed having the big balloons with all the teddys and stuff in them though, that was a shame as I would have liked to have got one for them. Maccas for dinner on the way home, I was not cooking after a day like that!

The big 20..

Oh to be able to say that and be talking about my age and not my weight loss.. 20.2 gone! Forever! I mean it this time, no going back, I hate looking the way I did and thinking that I looked okay - but in reality didn't! I hated sitting on the couch and having my legs spreading so much that they don't fit in a outdoor chair! I can do that now... sit in an outdoor chair and have room! I don't get up and have the marks of the chair digging in to my legs! Oh it feels soooo good! Still along way to go, about 20 something more, but the next thing for me is 15k with WW..

This month, was a good month. I changed to core and have not had a gain all month! Yes, I many have only had a .1 loss last week, but that was coming off a 1.7 and a .8 - cant expect big numbers all the time. And lets face it, .5 is a healthy amount to lose. So I'm happy with that.

I eat different, I work out different - I push myself to work harder. I never used to, I was to lazy to do anything for myself and then wonder why I was fat!? How do we get in our heads that we are not? I must admit, I did not own a mirror that was full length in my house. I soo want to now! I want to go out and party hard like when I was 20! Okay. I was most likely another 10 kilo lighter, but still - I used to dance all night and not get exhausted!

I'm happy! Can you tell! I cant wait to tell everyone that I finally have hit the 20 mark! Its been so long coming... I did it - that's 20 less that I have to lose! Bring it on!