Stood up..

I am sitting here waiting to talk to my DH. We had a "date" tonight on msn as he is away at work. 8.30 has been and gone. He must have gone to bed. I know that I shouldnt feel so awful towards him as he does do long days, but still, cant he find the time to stay up 15 mins and have a quick chat before going to bed? He works in a mine - he is away 10 days then home for 4. Right now to be honest, we arnt good either. Its tough and Im left wondering if I can see the end of the year like this or if its going to get better.

I went roller skating today, second time since the beginning of the year.. Was good, shoved miss 4 off to my mums and then myself and miss 8 went. It only took me 10-15 mins to get going and I didnt fall down once! So much better than last time! And the best thing, a whole 13 bonus points!!! My legs I tell you were thinking that they were weighlifting! Mind you, think about it - really! They are lifting about 5 kilo everytime you take your foot off the floor.. I rekon about 200 squats would be equilavant.

I have added a terrible photo. When my dig camera has new batteries, I shall take it off and put a better one. Must put that in my memory bank for tomorrow.. Otherwise it will be too late and I will have lost all this weight with no "ongoing" photos! I want to be able to look back at what I have achieved. This is proof that I can do it, I can do anything if I put my mind to it! I will not give up, not this time, I want the swimsuit in summer that I will be proud to wear at the beach with the kids. I want those nice flimsy summer dresses that fly all over when the wind blows! I want that sexy underware to make my husband squirm and I would love to feel good to be able to dance in the sexy manner I so like to. And I will, mark my words; I will!

Food wise is okay, I have one point left till wednesday - my fault. I ate pizza for dinner the other night and I just couldnt stop! It was so yummy and the air was so cold. Plus, the chocolate.... the naughties that I dont usually have (or so I tell myself) - really must stop lying to myself. Was at mums and dads last night for dinner, they had cheesecake from the cheesecake shop.. "One wont hurt" they said! It does when I dont have the points; but.. caved in and had some. Was nice, but really didnt need it. Ive never been good with peer pressure. I didnt do drugs, or drink - but I am one of these people who likes to please everyone. I like having friends and if that means at times that I do something that I dont normally do, then so be it! I will do it. Within reason. That has been my whole life. Afraid of being alone and having no one. Is this why I am still in the relationship that has not changed in 5 years and will most likely never?

I have booked an appointment with the gp, I need some assistance with keeping my head straight with DD miss 8. She is ADD and SID and at times I could just strangle her! So, off to get some tips and ideas.. Thats not till the 18th though. I am also thinking of giving a day of work up. This should help with the stress level, but at the same time I need to get motivated to actually get off my bum and do somthing around here! How can I get up DH for not wanting to do anything when hes on days off and yet Im here all the time and I dont want to do anything... Really! Who am I kidding?

God I feel as though i could dribble on and on tonight... Better not, thoughts just keep running through my head - one day they will dissapear and all make sense.